There was recently a post I read about Why Once We Become Parents We Don’t Want to Hang Out With You Anymore... and well a lot of what this blogger said rings true with me it doesn’t mean EVER! It seems that once you have a child when many of your friends are kidless you become an outcast. It’s like you caught a disease and are in quarantine. Almost immediately the invitations stop. It’s like the phone has died from the mysterious baby disease you apparently have. If you are lucky you may bump into a friend while running errands to stock up on diapers cause as childless people think that is all you do now days. They tell you they miss you and they would love to hang out but are “worried about calling and waking the baby” or “know you must be tired”. Really? That’s the best you got? Granted I am no longer putting forth the effort to make plans and round up the group to do something fun. I mean I can hardly keep myself organized much less plan anything at this point but that doesn’t mean I won’t come out.
And then it finally happens you get invited to something! Of course its for something so ridiculous you have to say no. This is not because you don’t want to go but what they’ve asked you to, which in their mind is kid appropriate, just isn’t. I will not take my 5 month old to the Zombie Pub Crawl sorry. (Apparently some people do, WOW!) While it does sound like fun I know with baby in tote it will not be. And sure leave the kid with a sitter, I could but the next morning after being sober 9 months and only drinking little amounts due to breastfeeding a pub crawl is not going to end well. (This was an extreme case but people without kids often don’t understand how certain situations with a child along are no longer fun so please check out this adorable video) So guess what? Now you have turned them down to hang out so next time they don’t even bother with you. It’s like they’re saying “Back to quarantine with you!” Uhg will I ever get out of here?
Being a mama is lonely business. It’s hard to imagine you are lonely when you have someone (you’re child) around 24-7 but it is. Please please if you have a friend who is the 1st in your group to be a new parent (dad’s need friends too) call them. Call them just to say hi, call them at 2 in the morning when you leave the bar (if they have a newborn chances are they will have the ringer off if sleeping but if they are up for a late night drink with baby you will make their day), call them when you’re at the store to see if you can pick up anything, just call! Even if you don’t hang out calling lets them know you care, you’re still friends, they still exist outside of parenthood and have not gone away to some foreign island isolation for infantitis. Don’t feel rejected if you invite a new mom to something and she says no. Sometimes it is impossible for others to understand why she can’t make time but she has her reasons so ask again and again and again. Chances are you will be the first one she calls when she is finally up to hanging out. Don’t think just because your friend has other friends with kids she isn’t lonely. Most likely their kids schedules don’t line up and she probably doesn’t hang out with other moms as much as you think. Motherhood is Lonely…It Just Is
And as for you mom, make an effort! Even if it isn’t easy sometimes you need to break routine and disrupt the kids schedules to get in a little social time. Babies go to bed early, have your besties over for a late dinner, card game, or movie. Make a point to have a sitter come once a month to go to ladies night with the girls. You can use a phone too, pick it up instead of using social media like Facebook that only makes you think you have a life. Just say yes, when they finally invite you just say yes! Even if the 4 am feeding is going to be incredibly miserable the memories from earlier in the night are worth it, just say yes.
How I Spent My Nights Before Baby
How I Spend My Nights Now